Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
