Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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