i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
