I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
