Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
