there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
