6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
