tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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