so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
