You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
