In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
