I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
