dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
