he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
