I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
