I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
