Please, let me fuck your mom
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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