he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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