I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
