Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
