i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
