i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
