Girls should come with a carfax report
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
