We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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