He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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