Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
