Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
