You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
