i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
