I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
