the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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