the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
