If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
