i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
