walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
