He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize