sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
