our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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