Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
