I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
