I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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