So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
