Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
