He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
