How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
