I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
