I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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