Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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