It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
