I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
