$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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