Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
whose parrot is this?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
