Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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