Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
