You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
