someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
