That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
