First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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