i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
