my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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