nut hugger
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
