fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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