yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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