You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize