So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
